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    WEEKEND

     
    沙龙这首歌是几个月前就在《H3M》里听过的,而且是唯一记得的一首。
    待到今天中午吃面时,听见MTV在播,看见了中文字,才明白有多么不可言说的深情。
    绚烂如电 虚幻如雾 哀愁和仰慕 
     
     
    昨晚喝到两点。其他人不动,我和CP抽掉了快两包的中南海,椅子下都是烟头。五个人喝了两箱半啤酒,到后来我有些头痛,但思路清晰。原来我的点儿也不过如此。
    说东说西,陈芝麻烂谷子的事都捅出来。OPEN说,当时最屌的,一个是CP,第二个就是我。这是很意外的事。我一直在内心扮演很亦步亦趋打喷嚏怕吵到人的角色,默默地呼吸很没有存在感。
    而OPEN说到一个词,观战。大概意思说,除了关键人物,其他人一律不入我眼。不主动不拒绝,就是旁观者,面无表情。
    哈哈,我笑了出来。我说,上个月就在这个烧烤摊,也有人这么“批评”过我。OPEN说,想得出来,你以前就那样,想必现在也不会好到哪去。
    CP却忽然插进了一句话,他说(以前他在职的一年里),所有人中,他从来没看见我开心过。
    我下意识回想了那一段日子,很模糊,我也不记得自己有没有开怀过。现在想起来,也是没什么印象。
     
     
    快四点才上床,没刷牙,身体里面又是那种烟酒交织的气息。太久没发生过了。
    喝太多并不会睡得好,这是有经验的。而每每这种时候,就觉得自己很是糟糕,又弄成这样。
    要花至少两倍的时间恢复身体吧。我最近老挂在嘴边的一句话是,我已经过了25岁了啊。
    不是恐惧,而是觉得,应该在生存逻辑上“有个高度”。
    我不知道事情会怎么样。我想象自己有一天,面对面与那些人看着,眼神的动作可以有一种镇定沉着的洞察,而不再迫不及待地表达自己。

     
     

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